What is Self-Esteem?
The word ‘esteem’ comes from the Latin aestimare which means to value, appraise, rate, estimate, weigh. So in essence, self-esteem relates to how we rate or value ourselves.
- Do you constantly compare yourself to others?
- Are you always putting yourself down?
- Do you feel unlovable?
- If you don’t achieve 100% in everything, if everything is not perfect…..the house, the kids, your work, relationship….do you feel a failure?
- Do you tell yourself you are not good enough? Clever enough? Attractive enough? Successful enough? The list is endless…….
How does low self-esteem affect us?
The above, are just a few thoughts and feelings that we can experience if we struggle with low self-esteem. Our self-esteem, whether healthy or low, determines how we behave. If we have low self-esteem we may feel the need to please others all the time, neglect our own needs in preference for the needs of someone else. We may be constantly trying to prove ourselves, to others as well as to ourselves. There may be times we feel the need to behave differently in different company, maybe to try and fit in, to be liked, to belong. We may put off doing things because we believe we will fail, that we won’t be good at it, that people will laugh at us. All of these behaviours and many more, demonstrate how we change, become different, if we are struggling with low self-esteem.
Healthy self-esteem
On the other hand, if we have a healthy self-esteem we are able to engage fully with life. We feel comfortable saying yes, or no, when we want to, we know our limits. How we feel about ourselves does not depend on status, wealth or appearance. We look after our physical and emotional health and accept that things will not always go according to plan, but that this is ok, it doesn’t diminish us in any way. We do not rely on crutches such as drugs and alcohol to numb our feelings or attempt to make us feel happier.
How can therapy help?
Having low self-esteem can have a significant effect on our mood and can even lead to depression. Talking with a professional may help you to look at beliefs about yourself, habits and patterns of behaviour and where they stem from. There are many different factors that may have influenced how you feel about yourself and these factors will be different in every person. Some of these factors may be past or current life experiences, interactions with others (parents, friends, teachers, etc) performance pressures and societal messages.
Therapy can help you to gain an awareness and understanding of these influences, gaining a stronger sense of who you are, to like and be kind to yourself and ultimately to accept and believe in yourself.
Fiona Foster Tel: 07874 223422 E.Mail: fionafoster02@gmail.com