Abuse can take many forms, whether it be physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional, childhood neglect or domestic violence. It may be that you don’t realise that what you are experiencing is abuse, for example, if you are in a controlling relationship. For some, it may be that there is only a vague recollection of something happening but you can’t fully remember and so have pushed it to the back of your mind. This may mean that you are living with troubling feelings but don’t fully know the cause.
If you are a survivor of childhood abuse you may be finding it difficult to find peace and move forwards in your life. You may be troubled with flashbacks, distressing feelings and emotions, bad memories and possibly nightmares. It may be difficult to form meaningful relationships, to trust people. It can feel incredibly difficult to confide in someone so you continue to suffer the pain and devastation of the abuse, keeping all the emotions and fears locked away inside.
Types of abuse
Physical – Physical abuse includes hitting, shaking, choking or non-accidental injury causing, for example fractures, head injuries, bruises and burns.
Sexual – Sexual abuse includes acts of a sexual nature such as rape and sexual assault and sexually interfering with a child or adolescent. Sexual abuse also covers involving children in sexual activities, including pornography and photography which they are unable to give informed consent and which they don’t fully understand.
Emotional – It is very likely that emotional abuse is present in all other types of abuse. Emotional abuse includes intimidation, constantly criticising, threatening, bullying, rejecting and constantly being shouted at. Subjecting a child to the witnessing of, or hearing the ill-treatment of someone else (such as in domestic violence) also constitutes emotional abuse.
Neglect – Neglect constitutes not providing enough food, adequate housing, clothing and medical care for a child. It also includes failure to attend to the hygiene and physical needs, failure to keep a child safe and neglecting to play with or talk to a child. Neglect also includes failure to provide the emotional needs of the child such as the withdrawal of love and attention.
If you are a survivor of abuse you may be experiencing some of the following:
- Anger
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Dissociation
- Flashbacks
- Nightmares
- Shame
- Suicidal thoughts
- Unwarranted guilt
(Flashbacks and nightmares can feel very scary, as though you are re-living the trauma. But they are, in effect, a sign of recovery. Your sub-conscious mind is at work trying to process the painful memories. Working with a therapist can help you to manage the fear and panic you are experiencing and understand the intense emotions associated with the flashbacks.)
Other effects of abuse can be low self-esteem, underachievement, substance misuse and an inability to trust. This inability to trust may make it incredibly scary to reach out for support. However, talking to a professional therapist within a safe and non-judgemental environment can help you to deal with the intensity of powerful emotions.
How can counselling help?
Therapy can offer a safe space for you to talk through painful memories. It can help you to explore connections with how they are affecting you in the present. Flashbacks may be making you feel as though you are re-living the abuse. Therapy can help you to develop coping strategies for managing the flashbacks. Unhelpful patterns of behaviour and thought can be explored and repeating patterns broken. This can include repeating the same, destructive relationships.
Placing your trust in a therapist will undoubtedly be challenging and scary and the reason why the therapeutic relationship is so important. Your counsellor will respect your boundaries, allowing you to guide the pace of sessions. A therapist will not push you but will walk alongside you as you explore particular memories, only when you feel comfortable and ready, allowing space when you need space.
Therapy can be a difficult but courageous journey. Gradually, a greater degree of self-compassion and self-understanding can be achieved, empowering you to let go of past burdens, move forwards and make lasting changes.
Fiona Foster Tel: 07874 223422 E.Mail: fionafoster02@gmail.com